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George W. Bush |
GOOD: Won't smoke a damp cigar |
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BAD: Would attempt to smoke damp crank |
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UGLY: Can't find where to put crank in Laura Bush |
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Al Gore: |
GOOD: Operates on only 4 'AA' batteries |
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BAD: Lost human soul in boating accident |
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UGLY: Tipper's vibrator uses only 2. |
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John McCain: |
GOOD: Stopped running down Vietnamese on panzer joyrides |
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BAD: Holds no grudge against soulless, godless fetus-eating gooks |
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UGLY: Started running down Vietnamese-Americans on panzer joyrides |
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John McCain: |
GOOD: Inspired the country, challenged politics, became American hero |
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BAD: Lost the primary |
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UGLY: Took it out on gook-like daughter |
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Bill Bradley: |
GOOD: Much much taller than those tiny asian leaders. |
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BAD: Thick fleshy neck can clear an orphanage in 35 seconds. |
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UGLY: Thick fleshy neck much larger than those tiny asian leaders. |
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Bill Clinton: |
GOOD: Lies, has affairs, is kinky as he wants to be. |
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BAD: Notched the presidential headboard into firewood. |
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UGLY: Monica Lewinsky. |
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Alan Greenspan: |
GOOD: Smarter than the average bear market. |
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BAD: Bad tennis game causes temper tantrums. |
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UGLY: Temper tantrums cause collapse of world economy. |
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George W. Bush: |
GOOD: Can ask daddy for advice, allowance. |
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BAD: Not too good with that pesky english language thing. |
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UGLY: White house is the 'hella wicked party shit.' |
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Hilary Clinton: |
GOOD: The only woman Clinton couldn't get to suck his dick. |
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BAD: Wants senatorship so bad she can taste it. |
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UGLY: Can't get that taste of 'old congressman' out of her mouth. |
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Alan Keyes: |
GOOD: Outspoken, full of Jesus, faces the issues, no chance of election. |
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BAD: Rode that affirmative action train way too long. |
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UGLY: Would only be counted as 3/5 of a president. |
