Want mail?       BC: Hi, and thank you for agreeing to do the interview, Mister Li. We're all big fans here at the Circus, and, let's face it, you could kick our asses up into our nostrils. JL: Yes. Hard motherfucker. BC: Okay, first question. An Asian market set-piece and assured box-office draw, you now face the American palette for violence. How have you found your acclimation to US and broader markets? JL: I fight quick fist. BC: Yes... Yes, you do. Okay, let's try a more oblique tack. How have American audiences recieved you? JL: Big kick. One, two. Many big kick. Three. Four kick. Five kick six kick. Kick Kick Kick. Sev-- BC: Yes, I see. (pause) Let's talk about your martial art. It is, in essence, judo. Critics assert that you're actually heavily influenced by older fighting styles such as Tai Chi, Kung Pow, and Su-Shi. How would you describe your physical art? JL: Make movie now? BC: Ah, not just yet. JL: ... BC: Okay, well how-- JL: Now? BC: No, Mister Li. JL: Fight? Fist, foot, fist foot. BC: An honor, but no. Mister Li, how do you like America now that you are filming here? JL: Bring sucky? "Please sir, it hurts!" "Sh! You ruin moment." BC: I'm not really-- JL: Jet Li sucky sucky. Here Jet, here sucky sucky. Free. First, make movie. Give? BC: Mister Li, are you telling us that the movie companies pay you..with physical pleasure? JL: Kick, kick, eight. Kick, nine. Ten kick done! Sucky sucky sucky time! BC: Wait, did the movie people promise you anything if you did this interview? JL: Sucky Ted Turner. Slorp slup. BC: Oh Jesus. I don't know what to say. I, um, what is your greatest influen-- JL: Give suck yes? BC: What? What can we say? This is death. JL: Suck yes yes. Mister Li. Mister Mister Mister Li. BC: Dear lord, no, I-- JL: Fight! Kick punch punch punch punch punch punch punch punch punch punch. BC: (getting up from table) No, thank you Mister Li, but we must-- JL: (unzips pants) BC: Interview over, Chinaman! Over! (flees) JL: ... JL: (turns to bodyguard) Bodyguard: Aw, shit.